i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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