So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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