We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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