i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize