He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
