Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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