Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
