you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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