My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
