I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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