people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
