I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
