Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
