the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're like the curious george of whores
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
