so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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