I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
