Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
