when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
