I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
