i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
