Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
handjob tips. give me some.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
