I think im going to throw up on grandma
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize