If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
