Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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