I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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