im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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