why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
false alarm, still single
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize