Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
