i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
