you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
