I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
