Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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