First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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