I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
