no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
