2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
