there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
