My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
