Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
