Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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