I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
