Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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