I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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