I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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