All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize