My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
