there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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