If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
