went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
