I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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