I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
