Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
