exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
