It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
