Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize