you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
