oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
