every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
