I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
do herpes really smell.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
