You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
