Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
