Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
