Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
