my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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