My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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