Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
