I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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