guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
