Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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