you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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