ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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