are you so shy because you have an std?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
