this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
