i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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