I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
love makes seman taste better
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
