I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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