I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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