The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
