the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
