There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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