hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
