At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
