Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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