I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
