I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
