Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
