I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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