Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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