absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
