he thought i was a dude.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
