Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
