No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize