I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
