So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
