piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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