it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
