Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
