I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
