No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
